Vice Magazine - Do's and Dont's

I don't know about you, but I absolutely LOVE this section of Vice Magazine, in fact it's usually the first place I would head when managing to find an issue. (which seems a bit of mission now or maybe I'm just getting older...) Below are some Monday jokes from the vice website, we all need cheering up come the start of the week right?!!

DO

While you lie there in front of the TV crying about how there’s “nothing going on” this 14-year-old is making Game Boy belt buckles (that work) with his buddies and basically running PS 040.

DONT

These jean wars have really got to stop. All the waffling between tight and baggy has left the vanguard of the pants community looking like two circus midgets trying to sneak into an r-rated movie.

DO

Jesus, could these three have summer any more under control? Even their negatives are making me wonder how hard it would be to fake owning a yacht.

DONT

Riddle me this: Who the fuck fucks these German raver-mom divorcées that are "starting the life all over again?" Huh? Is it adolescent techno DJs with Vaseline lenses for eyes or just kids with really wide dicks who are into long tits?

DO

If you see a guy in a bar with perfect tits that looks like he might be a go-er, don’t be a pussy and sit there staring at him all night. Go up there! Rub your dick against his bare ass until he notices you.